BABY STEPS

Once in a while I hear how some think it is just fine to take baby steps to change adoption laws. I cringe every time because I consider it a big mistake. It is not an easy task to change any law and adoption reform is certainly not a popular subject among those who are opposed to open records.

Illinois currently has an ineffective Registry and horror stories have resulted from the CI program. But yet in the eyes of many legislators adoption reform is at its best. In 2008 the belief among some was that if records were open to some adopted adults but not all that would be a step toward Illinois becoming an open records state. I don't recall hearing if any of these believers gave thought to how many years it might take before ALL adopted adults would have access to their OBC.

I'm not talking about just legislators. It is shocking how many adoptees who claim to be adovates for open records go right along with baby steps being taken. Just how many are monetary gaining from closed records is a number that we will never know.

Sadly it is not uncommon for an adoptee to be against open records. Some are profiting too much from closed records. There are some who don't care if they ever see their OBC so they speak out against anyone having access. My belief is that all these people should be tarred and feathered.

The next time someone mentions taking adoption reform in baby steps please ask them why they are so against Illinois becoming an open records state as soon as possible.

ILLEGITIMACY

Many placed for adoption are considered to be illegitimate. Different circumstances lead to a woman and man not being married at the time of the birth. But it is the innocent child that carries this label and a stigma is established. Later on when an amended birth certificate is issued, the child becomes legitimate because the record is falsified to say that the adoptive mother was the one to give birth. The result is secrecy. Just how will it later be interpreted?

Just recently I followed a thread on a genealogical mailing list about the illegitimate members on family trees. My first thought was how people don’t let this stigma rest even when say a person placed on a branch is 80 years old. But my being an adoptee of course reminded me that the disgrace that was no fault of ours is never forgotten.

I'm researching both my birth and adoptive family histories. I always make a notation that some of us were adopted because I am one that believes in accuracy no matter what project I'm working on. I'm not ashamed that I was placed for adoption and I don't feel that the others should be. Nor do I feel that anyone should think less of the deceased who were adopted. But we adoptees walk in different shoes than others.

But I do believe and know that at least some other genealogists agree with me that those who think that an adopted person does not belong on a family tree do need an attitude adjustment. While following this thread on the genealogical list it was not those tracing their family trees that dwelled on the not forgotten disgrace. It was family members who showed no interest in the adopted as if they are not family members.

Many brides are pregnant while they are standing at the altar. But because they marry prior to the birth of the child there is no illegitimacy. It is what the parents do before the birth that determines if a stigma will be established. But the child is labeled and it seems that there is something wrong with that picture.

It's a sad world when there are so many worse things happening that not all can overlook the stigma of adoption. But it will never happen because some people dwell upon talking about disgrace. I think most of we adoptees live with a wound that we were left behind but yet we move forward with our lives. Being illegitimate does not stop a person from becoming a great person. I think that there is probably a skeleton in every family's closet. Not every one wants to know about it and turning their head is the way some will deal with the information. Sometimes knowing the details as to why something happened could make people more understanding. Blocking the event from their mind is easier and they can continue to portray that they come from a perfect family.

WHO COULD BE PAYING THE NCFA?

The February 2009 issue of the Adoption Advocate, a publication of the National Council For Adoption is detrimental and evil. I can picture someone stirring a pot just like the devil as they wrote this paper.

The NCFA is opposed to open records. But to publish a paper like this one makes me suspicious that they are profiting from it. Just who could be paying them? Adoptive parents or those who fear that some lies told will come out if eventually we would have all open states? Perhaps the NCFA just figures they can profit from this bunch of lies. After all fiction does sell well.

This paper is saying that The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute’s report, For the Records: Restoring a Legal Right for Adult Adoptees is based on disproved assumptions and the misrepresentation of statistical data. It has to be considered more accurate than this piece of garbage put out by NCFA.

Let’s face it, if you were going to do a study on adults, wouldn’t you use adults for the study? It would be absurd to use adolescents unless there was a reason that you did not want the results accurate.

It is rather common today to hear about how different ones are profiting from taking advantage of people. For years adult adoptees have been the vulnerable and I consider this to be another attack.

We will survive but the silent adult adoptees and birth mothers definitely need to join in and speak out about this most outrageous paper.

FEARLESS ADOPTIVE FAMILIES

There seem to be some adoptive families who fear their grown child finding birth family members. We currently have among our Illinois legislators at least one adoptive parent that seems to be in this category. Is it right for someone like that to fight an open records bill to the point that they are very persuasive in getting followers to go along with their belief that records should remain closed? I personally don't think so. When a strong bond is formed between an adoptee and their parents, there is no need to fear that they will be placed on a back burner if the birth family is found. Anyone who does not have a strong relationship with their adoptee should not try to punish all adoptees. When the child was younger and did something that called for a spanking, did the parent spank all the children in the neighborhood or town of residence? I highly doubt it. It might not even be their son/daughter's fault that there is not a stronger bond between them.

To open records in Illinois would restore a civil right to adoptees. Obtaining an original birth certificate (OBC) does not necessarily lead one to the doorstep of their birth mother or her family. There are a few adoptees who choose to not search. Many do search and having an OBC could make a search easier. Then we have the reunited adoptees but still don't have their OBC. It most likely has no information on it that the reunited adoptee does not already know. The OBC would not exist if it had not been for their birth but yet it is denied to them by Illinois adoption laws.

We need to educate adoptive parents who fear having the records open in Illinois. I do know that some adoptive parents do fear what their grown child might find if they search for birth family. As a parent I do understand that because we always want what is best for our children. Different circumstances can lead to a baby/child being placed for adoption. Some hurtful things could be learned but that is why an adoptee should be as emotionally prepared as possible for the end result to possibly not be the best. Adoptive parents can be helpful with that. But to do everything possible to try to prevent a reunion from happening could just push the adoptee to proceed with haste.

I do hope that any adoptive parent who does not have a strong bond with their grown son/daughter will not take it out on all the other adoptees and fight open records. It certainly does not sound fair to me. And, it definitely needs to be remembered that open records is not about search and reunion. It is about restoring a civil right to adult adoptees.

CASH IN ON ADOPTEES

Back in 1976 when I began my own search, non-identifying information from Catholic Charities was free. In 1992 I became very curious as to if a medical problem was related to a growth that I was born with. I rechecked my non-id and confirmed that nothing was included regarding my health. Both my adoptive parents were deceased so I could not question them. So I contacted Catholic Charities and was told that there would be a $75 fee to give me the information. I was irate and quoted them the IL statute regarding medical records and said that I only needed to pay for the copying charges. The result was receiving an apologetic letter along with a copy of the records. But by 1992 searches had become more popular and agencies had started to cash in on adoptees' records being sealed.

But it is not just agencies doing this. Illinois has the ineffective Adoption Registry and Confidential Intermediary system. There are professional searchers and some are far from being professional. There are online databases preying upon the vulnerable. The list goes on.

So it does make one wonder why we still have closed records. To open them would put some people out of work. So those making money from closed records help to write bills to be sponsored that keep registries and CI systems intact. Others voice their opinion to keep records closed. Sorry about the long unemployment lines but a civil right needs to be restored to adult adoptees so they have access to their original birth certificate.

International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR)

I fear that there could be some searching who don't think that they have enough information to register with ISRR. Their website (www.isrr.net) does clearly state that a minimum of the year of birth, country, and state or province are necessary. I do believe that everyone should have that much information. An adoptee often does not know the names of their birth parents. A birth parent often does not know the adoptive name of their child. Although it is great to know that information it is not necessary in order to register with ISRR.

I do encourage everyone who is searching to register with ISRR. They have been trustworthy for a good many years and have made many matches. I do know for a fact that they continue to keep registration forms on file since they kept mine for 22 years. After my search was completed I notified Tony Vilardi who did return my form to me. ISRR was not able to make a match for me but they could for you.

As stated on their website, "ISRR is not affiliated with any other registry, organization or website.".

THE TRUTH

As many of us know it is next to impossible to conceal the truth about something forever. The IL adoption laws do hinder adult adoptees from learning the truth about their origins. Wouldn't it be great if legislators would become as honest and responsible as Abraham Lincoln.

A couple of blocks from where I live stands an old, gnarled pine tree bought by "Honest Abe". Abe was a lawyer who at one time practiced law in Urbana, IL. The legend is that one day the horse pulling his carriage knocked down a little tree so Abe paid to replace it. The pine tree that anyone can enjoy now is a testament to his generosity and responsibility.

Adoptees are not asking to be paid for a civil right that was taken from them when OBC's were sealed. They are asking that the civil right be restored. I'd be willing to bet that "Honest Abe" would have been supportive of this happening.

Please see Illinois Open for information on how to send Abe a "Happy 200th Birthday" card. His birthday is February 12th. A card might be hard to find at your favorite card shop but not too difficult to make.