ADOPTION IS AVAILABLE

It was bad enough that President Barrack Obama delivered the 2009 commencement speech at the University of Notre Dame. But then the Notre Dame President Rev. John Jenkins said that we should all work together to make adoption more available.

I've been Catholic all my life and for a long time I've been a Notre Dame fan. In my honest opinion President Obama who supports abortion rights should never have been invited to speak and then to receive an honorary degree was a second mistake. He is entitled to his rights just as I am to mine. There will always be people on this earth with differing views.

Was Rev. John Jenkins justifying President Obama delivering the commencement speech by saying that we should all work together to make adoption more available? Certainly he must be aware of all the adoption options in America. Agencies have been around for unwed mothers to turn to for over 60 years that I know of. Today some unwed mothers are monetary profiting quite nicely from making arrangements for their unborn to be adopted.

Adoption is available and it seems to me that those who are not aware of it must not want to be. We adoptees are not bad people even though we are often labeled "troublemakers" for fighting for a civil right to be restored to all adopted adults so that they can have access to their original birth certificate.

FABRICATORS AMONG US

For several years now there have been deceitful adoptees among the Internet adoption community. Several years ago I remember when one pretended to be helping other adoptees subscribed to a mailing list when she was in fact working for a well known company who has financially ripped off many people.

Just how new it is for an adoptee to lie about what state they were born or adopted in I don't know. I do understand when an adoptee pretends to live in a certain state when they are trying to get a legislator to listen to them.

But to lie to other adoptees to try to gain leadership over them does not set well with me. One lie can lead to another and we don't know what all they might be up to. We can't be certain if they really are for a clean bill or if maybe their motive is to cause harm to adoption reform in that particular state. We do know there are those among the adoption industry cashing in on closed records. So have these fabricators joined in with them while pretending to be a great advocate for open records?

I know one thing for certain and that is Illinois has giant RAT traps. But until a suspected RAT gets caught be certain and ask questions because often liars do give themselves away. Human RATS have long noses and have a tendency to be bossy and sarcastic when things are not going just the way they want. Bait your trap and get rid of the RATS! There are plenty of us that do want all adopted adults to have access to their OBC - you don't have to feel alone after the RATS are gone.

NO CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION

I find it so hard to believe that there are supporters of CA AB 372. I question if it is a strong case of stupidity or if they are seeing $ signs before their eyes if this bill would become law. I realize that some of these supporters believe that baby steps are sometimes necessary to achieve success. But they are not stopping to think about the states who have taken baby steps and now how hard advocates are fighting to get open records in those states. It is not just CI programs that are intact in some states that make legislators think that the state is up to date with adoption reform. If anything is in place that makes legislators think this, they can focus on other issues and fight any clean bill that is sponsored.

Some think that if a few adoptees are helped, that is better than none. No, it is not because all should be treated equally. Let's say there are two adoptees in one family. One gets their OBC and the other can not. Think about the feelings that will develop between these two and how the adoptive parents will feel about their children not being treated equally. This could happen with two adoptees who are close friends too or two cousins who were adopted... Will all the CA adoptees who support this horrible bill have access to their OBC? Chances are not all of them will. Then how many years will it take for adoption legislation to be changed for the better in CA? Will the supporters live long enough to see it happen or will it ever happen?

The chances of this bill being fixed are very slim. Supporters need to wake up and smell the roses in the states who do have open records. This bill MUST be defeated and the sooner the better. There are those who will argue that we all must unite to get records open. Well many of us have done so and we ask that you please join us and not support a bill that does not treat ALL adoptees equally. The adoption reform movement must move forward and not backward.

BABY STEPS

Once in a while I hear how some think it is just fine to take baby steps to change adoption laws. I cringe every time because I consider it a big mistake. It is not an easy task to change any law and adoption reform is certainly not a popular subject among those who are opposed to open records.

Illinois currently has an ineffective Registry and horror stories have resulted from the CI program. But yet in the eyes of many legislators adoption reform is at its best. In 2008 the belief among some was that if records were open to some adopted adults but not all that would be a step toward Illinois becoming an open records state. I don't recall hearing if any of these believers gave thought to how many years it might take before ALL adopted adults would have access to their OBC.

I'm not talking about just legislators. It is shocking how many adoptees who claim to be adovates for open records go right along with baby steps being taken. Just how many are monetary gaining from closed records is a number that we will never know.

Sadly it is not uncommon for an adoptee to be against open records. Some are profiting too much from closed records. There are some who don't care if they ever see their OBC so they speak out against anyone having access. My belief is that all these people should be tarred and feathered.

The next time someone mentions taking adoption reform in baby steps please ask them why they are so against Illinois becoming an open records state as soon as possible.

ILLEGITIMACY

Many placed for adoption are considered to be illegitimate. Different circumstances lead to a woman and man not being married at the time of the birth. But it is the innocent child that carries this label and a stigma is established. Later on when an amended birth certificate is issued, the child becomes legitimate because the record is falsified to say that the adoptive mother was the one to give birth. The result is secrecy. Just how will it later be interpreted?

Just recently I followed a thread on a genealogical mailing list about the illegitimate members on family trees. My first thought was how people don’t let this stigma rest even when say a person placed on a branch is 80 years old. But my being an adoptee of course reminded me that the disgrace that was no fault of ours is never forgotten.

I'm researching both my birth and adoptive family histories. I always make a notation that some of us were adopted because I am one that believes in accuracy no matter what project I'm working on. I'm not ashamed that I was placed for adoption and I don't feel that the others should be. Nor do I feel that anyone should think less of the deceased who were adopted. But we adoptees walk in different shoes than others.

But I do believe and know that at least some other genealogists agree with me that those who think that an adopted person does not belong on a family tree do need an attitude adjustment. While following this thread on the genealogical list it was not those tracing their family trees that dwelled on the not forgotten disgrace. It was family members who showed no interest in the adopted as if they are not family members.

Many brides are pregnant while they are standing at the altar. But because they marry prior to the birth of the child there is no illegitimacy. It is what the parents do before the birth that determines if a stigma will be established. But the child is labeled and it seems that there is something wrong with that picture.

It's a sad world when there are so many worse things happening that not all can overlook the stigma of adoption. But it will never happen because some people dwell upon talking about disgrace. I think most of we adoptees live with a wound that we were left behind but yet we move forward with our lives. Being illegitimate does not stop a person from becoming a great person. I think that there is probably a skeleton in every family's closet. Not every one wants to know about it and turning their head is the way some will deal with the information. Sometimes knowing the details as to why something happened could make people more understanding. Blocking the event from their mind is easier and they can continue to portray that they come from a perfect family.

WHO COULD BE PAYING THE NCFA?

The February 2009 issue of the Adoption Advocate, a publication of the National Council For Adoption is detrimental and evil. I can picture someone stirring a pot just like the devil as they wrote this paper.

The NCFA is opposed to open records. But to publish a paper like this one makes me suspicious that they are profiting from it. Just who could be paying them? Adoptive parents or those who fear that some lies told will come out if eventually we would have all open states? Perhaps the NCFA just figures they can profit from this bunch of lies. After all fiction does sell well.

This paper is saying that The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute’s report, For the Records: Restoring a Legal Right for Adult Adoptees is based on disproved assumptions and the misrepresentation of statistical data. It has to be considered more accurate than this piece of garbage put out by NCFA.

Let’s face it, if you were going to do a study on adults, wouldn’t you use adults for the study? It would be absurd to use adolescents unless there was a reason that you did not want the results accurate.

It is rather common today to hear about how different ones are profiting from taking advantage of people. For years adult adoptees have been the vulnerable and I consider this to be another attack.

We will survive but the silent adult adoptees and birth mothers definitely need to join in and speak out about this most outrageous paper.

FEARLESS ADOPTIVE FAMILIES

There seem to be some adoptive families who fear their grown child finding birth family members. We currently have among our Illinois legislators at least one adoptive parent that seems to be in this category. Is it right for someone like that to fight an open records bill to the point that they are very persuasive in getting followers to go along with their belief that records should remain closed? I personally don't think so. When a strong bond is formed between an adoptee and their parents, there is no need to fear that they will be placed on a back burner if the birth family is found. Anyone who does not have a strong relationship with their adoptee should not try to punish all adoptees. When the child was younger and did something that called for a spanking, did the parent spank all the children in the neighborhood or town of residence? I highly doubt it. It might not even be their son/daughter's fault that there is not a stronger bond between them.

To open records in Illinois would restore a civil right to adoptees. Obtaining an original birth certificate (OBC) does not necessarily lead one to the doorstep of their birth mother or her family. There are a few adoptees who choose to not search. Many do search and having an OBC could make a search easier. Then we have the reunited adoptees but still don't have their OBC. It most likely has no information on it that the reunited adoptee does not already know. The OBC would not exist if it had not been for their birth but yet it is denied to them by Illinois adoption laws.

We need to educate adoptive parents who fear having the records open in Illinois. I do know that some adoptive parents do fear what their grown child might find if they search for birth family. As a parent I do understand that because we always want what is best for our children. Different circumstances can lead to a baby/child being placed for adoption. Some hurtful things could be learned but that is why an adoptee should be as emotionally prepared as possible for the end result to possibly not be the best. Adoptive parents can be helpful with that. But to do everything possible to try to prevent a reunion from happening could just push the adoptee to proceed with haste.

I do hope that any adoptive parent who does not have a strong bond with their grown son/daughter will not take it out on all the other adoptees and fight open records. It certainly does not sound fair to me. And, it definitely needs to be remembered that open records is not about search and reunion. It is about restoring a civil right to adult adoptees.