skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I've been around the Internet adoption community for years. I've always found it unfortunate that many who have been reunited will never be heard from again. Perhaps some think there is no need to stick around. But there is because the adoption reform movement could be a long ways from being completed.
Some do very little searching themselves and I find that unfortunate since it can help prepare for the reunion. Perhaps this group feel that they can not be of help to others searching. Perhaps they are not interested in if anyone else finds birth family. I've known adoptees who get what they want and could care less about others.
Reunions are an emotional roller coaster ride. Probably not just for the adoptee but for all involved. I do know first-hand what an overwhelming feeling it is to be reunited with birth family members. There are of course other feelings to deal with. When birth parents are found deceased as mine were, there are questions that are left unanswered. Although I've had family members share what they know they have not been able to answer all my questions.
For many years now I've been an advocate for open records and I sincerely hope that no medical problem will ever prevent me from continuing. Although I'm not nearly as involved with helping others search as I once was my work on earth is not completed as far as the adoption reform movement goes. It does not matter that I have my original birth certificate (OBC) and I've been reunited. I want all adoptees to have their OBC. I want those who want to be reunited with birth family. I'm not alone because there are many others fighting for the cause and some are like me in having their OBC and been reunited.
Some who have been reunited will suddenly disappear. So it is important to remind those searching to stick around. They might need a break to deal with so many emotions, perhaps to travel to meet birth family and time to get to know those they have been separated from. But it is important to get the message out that everyone is needed to fight for all adopted adults to have access to their OBC. Please do your part!
It was 1976 when I started my own search for birth family. Searches were not as popular then as today. A petition asking a judge to open my records was not time consuming. I received a reply within a short time stating to make an appointment to resolve the matter in the judge's chambers. I was to bring along a photo ID plus a statement from my physician that there was a medical need. My adoptive mother accompanied me to the appointment. There was no more information in my file than I already knew. However there was a name jotted down on the outside of the file. To this day I don't know if that person was a social worker or someone else who had called to inquire about the status of my adoption. The judge leaned against the latter. My adoptive mother had never heard of the woman and I've never been able to track her down. Perhaps it was a fictitious name. Many of my birth family members had passed away by the time my search was completed so this name on the outside of my file will most likely always remain a mystery.
In 1990 the Illinois Confidential Intermediary service was started. It is a program of the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services, delivered by Midwest Adoption Center. I don't know when the website (www.ci-illinois.org) was last updated. It includes a chart for the past two years but just which two years? Anyway, the chart shows that 63% agreed to contact, 20% relative deceased, 10% declined participation and 4% not located. BUT it does not state on what number these percentages are based on. To anyone not thinking too clearly this chart looks good. But I'm sure that is how Midwest Adoption Center wants it. They are in business! They seem to be very active in promoting any bill sponsored by State Representative Sara Feigenholtz (D) 12th District. Yes, that district and the Midwest Adoption Center are in the Chicago area. It certainly raises questions in my mind!
How difficult is it for an IL adoptee to get a court order to open their file? It could be easier to get away from an alligator or whale. Just recently when an adoptee received a letter of denial from a Cook County judge, it was highly questionable if his petition was even read from start to end. It seems more likely that the judge glanced at it and then instructed his secretary to pull out a form letter referring the adoptee to the Confidential Intermediary service. There is no doubt in my mind about this particular adoptee showing good cause and his case is unique, no question about it.
It sure seems obvious to me that there are people in Illinois who have a vested interest in keeping the Confidential Intermediary service intact. It makes it difficult to get a clean bill sponsored and would make it even more difficult to get it passed into law.
What can we do about it? Educating the public and those in official capacities would not do any harm. In order for there to be change people must speak out. Please don't sit back and think there are individuals and organizations taking care of adoption reform. The more who are involved, the better. Please do your part and don't leave it up to someone else.A civil right should be restored to IL adopted adults in that they should have access to their original birth certificate, just as those who have not been adopted do. Anything less is not acceptable. The Confidential Intermediary service MUST go and the sooner the better.
The recent rally in Philadelphia IMHO was an embarrassment to the adoption reform movement. The pictures indicate there was lack of organization and no one with leadership skills overlooking the making of signs or how those in attendance were holding them. There should be ways that some of us can get legislators to realize that the group in Philly did not speak well for our cause.This has been one of the saddest events to occur during the more than 30 years that I've been an advocate for open records.
On May 10, 1997 when I first met Joann and three other birth siblings, my son and I were welcomed into their lives with open, warm & loving arms. It was almost like we had always known each other except the questions that flowed back and forth between the birth siblings, my son and I did indicate differently. Similarities were shared among us and the family physical resemblance was remarkable between us plus the pictures that they had brought along to show Eric and I.On June 6, 2009 I said goodbye to Joann after her passing away suddenly and unexpectedly three days earlier. On July 11 when a memorial service is held, I will say goodbye once again.
Life is short but to only know Joann for such a short time has resulted in additional emotions for me to deal with along with grieving the loss of her. I hold no hard feelings toward our mother for placing me for adoption. Although she was deceased when the family was found and I could not ask her the reason, I do feel she did what she felt was best. I received a good home just as I’m sure she wanted.
To have known Joann for 12 years was a true blessing. It did not take me long to realize that she was bubbly with laughter and really enjoyed having fun. One of the sentences on her memorial card is, “I’d like to leave an after glow of smiles when life is done.” She certainly did that as different ones remembered her. Although we were experiencing a sad occasion there was a lot of laughter just as I’m sure that Joann would have wanted. I know that all of us will smile when we often think of her from now on.
Joann was only part of my life for a short time. But she helped to fill the void within me as only another adoptee can relate to. She did it in a very loving way. Each time I was around her I did enjoy some laughs too. Thank you Joann and goodbye until we meet again some day!
It was bad enough that President Barrack Obama delivered the 2009 commencement speech at the University of Notre Dame. But then the Notre Dame President Rev. John Jenkins said that we should all work together to make adoption more available.I've been Catholic all my life and for a long time I've been a Notre Dame fan. In my honest opinion President Obama who supports abortion rights should never have been invited to speak and then to receive an honorary degree was a second mistake. He is entitled to his rights just as I am to mine. There will always be people on this earth with differing views.Was Rev. John Jenkins justifying President Obama delivering the commencement speech by saying that we should all work together to make adoption more available? Certainly he must be aware of all the adoption options in America. Agencies have been around for unwed mothers to turn to for over 60 years that I know of. Today some unwed mothers are monetary profiting quite nicely from making arrangements for their unborn to be adopted.Adoption is available and it seems to me that those who are not aware of it must not want to be. We adoptees are not bad people even though we are often labeled "troublemakers" for fighting for a civil right to be restored to all adopted adults so that they can have access to their original birth certificate.
For several years now there have been deceitful adoptees among the Internet adoption community. Several years ago I remember when one pretended to be helping other adoptees subscribed to a mailing list when she was in fact working for a well known company who has financially ripped off many people.
Just how new it is for an adoptee to lie about what state they were born or adopted in I don't know. I do understand when an adoptee pretends to live in a certain state when they are trying to get a legislator to listen to them.
But to lie to other adoptees to try to gain leadership over them does not set well with me. One lie can lead to another and we don't know what all they might be up to. We can't be certain if they really are for a clean bill or if maybe their motive is to cause harm to adoption reform in that particular state. We do know there are those among the adoption industry cashing in on closed records. So have these fabricators joined in with them while pretending to be a great advocate for open records?
I know one thing for certain and that is Illinois has giant RAT traps. But until a suspected RAT gets caught be certain and ask questions because often liars do give themselves away. Human RATS have long noses and have a tendency to be bossy and sarcastic when things are not going just the way they want. Bait your trap and get rid of the RATS! There are plenty of us that do want all adopted adults to have access to their OBC - you don't have to feel alone after the RATS are gone.
Posts
