IN LOVING MEMORY OF A BROTHER

At the age of 56 my beloved brother John lost a long courageous battle with cancer. As I once told him, he was a true inspiration to all cancer patients plus those going through any type of tough trial. John was one to radiate love and encouragement. He often said, "you do what you have to do" with no sign of self pity.

When it seemed that the end was approaching, friends asked how they should pray for John. I told them to ask God for it to be His will that John not become bedfast. He was always so active that I was concerned about how miserable he would become if completely immobile. I can only imagine how tough the battle with cancer was and I did not want John lingering in a state where one loses their dignity. Praise the Lord that prayers were answered.

John will be missed and I regret that I did not know him much longer. But I feel blessed for the time that I had with him. In 2004 he and I really enjoyed going up into the Santa Ana Mountains in CA. He pointed out property to me that he had admired for a while. We talked about how neat it would be to own it and the gorgeous view there would be from any window. We enjoyed other quality time together that I will always cherish.

Thank you, John! I'm sure thinking of your courage and inspiration will always help me through difficult times.

Both John and Joann (refer to my 6/9/09 blog) have passed away. Our time together was short but precious!

Adoptees and Medical History

It is not uncommon these days to pick up a magazine and read about the importance of knowing one's family medical history. Of course I never read anything about all the adopted adults who don't hold a clue about their own. Although I'm a reunited adoptee and know a lot about my own my heart goes out to those who don't.

There are social workers and legislators who think medical history provided by a birth mother at the time of relinquishment is sufficient. They don't seem to care that even just a few days later she might have been diagnosed with a serious illness. I doubt that there are too many of us that can say our health has not changed within the past 18 years.

Of course just what social workers and legislators do get and what they admit to are two different things.

In IL we have a disgraceful state registry and CI program in place so adopted adults should consider themselves equal to queens and kings! Just who all is benefiting from them financially would be quite interesting to know. But in IL corruption walls tend to come apart brick by brick while there are workers replacing them as fast as one falls out.

So the majority of IL adopted adults must continue to get their medical checkups and tell their doctors that their birth mother was in great health years ago. There sure is something wrong with this picture.

The primary election is approachng so maybe it is time to clean house in IL and bring in new legislators!

ADOPTION SLOGAN I DO NOT LIKE

It would make me very happy for "Adoption Not Abortion" to be replaced with "God says: My Life is Precious".

I know that there is at least one adoptee who feels adoption and abortion gets rid of "the problem". It is one of the most absurd things I have ever read. I'm sure that many birth mothers would back me up by agreeing that a baby is not "a problem". For an unwed mother to become pregnant creates a predicament that must be dealt with. Sometimes even married women have a decision to make as to raise a baby or to plan relinquishment. But human life is just that and should not be categorized as "a problem".

In my own honest opinion I do not feel that adoption should ever be compared to abortion. Adoption provides a home for a child whereas abortion kills the fetus. A heartbeat is just days after conception so that is why I used the word "kills". Granted there are bitter adoptees in this world who might disagree with me and say that they were killed when placed in their adoptive home. But they are still breathing and surely are enjoying life in some ways.

Needless to say, I'm strictly against abortion. One time someone said it was because my birth mother could have had an abortion and I'd not be here. She is deceased so I can't ask her if she considered one but I'd bet on the answer being NO. My feeling is that the majority of birth mothers never even gave it thought because parting with the baby is not what they wanted. They or their parents felt it was the best thing to do for the child. I won't go into that subject since there are adoptees who say it is not in the best interest of the child. I strongly disagree with that too.

But I do hope that those who don't like "Adoption Not Abortion" will speak out as I am doing. Changes are never made unless we do speak out about what we don't believe in. Changes don't always happen but they definitely will not when people remain closed-mouthed.

NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH

There is frequent mention over the Internet these days about placing children in adoptive homes.

Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's was always saying, "all children deserve a loving, permanent home". I do agree but it always seemed to me that Dave did not care about the children beyond that. It is like he never gave thought to the children becoming adults and being curious about their origins or possibly needing to know birth family medical history. Now that Dave is deceased his Foundation seems to be continuing on just as he. I found Dave to be pathetic and the same goes for his Foundation. Please don't take me as a person that does not think it important for children in foster care to be placed in homes. I strongly believe in it. But why can't those with money like Dave's Foundation be helpful with trying to get state laws changed so these children as adults will have access to their original birth certificate?

Awareness needs to be raised that in the majority of the states adopted adults are not treated like first-class citizens. Illinois is in this category. I would be willing to bet that there will be little to no media coverage about this anytime during November. Many are not aware that we adopted adults born in IL are denied access to our original birth certificate. It could be easier to pull a tooth from a wild animal than to get the news media to help with spreading the word.

Thirty years ago and perhaps longer than that the triad was referred to. The triad was adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents. Some where along the way since then adoptees were misplaced. It seems that the only ones that might refer to the triad now are those who were familiar with the term long ago. The forgotten adoptee has become very common and many legislators see no need to change the adoption laws. But we can't give up with educating them. We must continue with the adoption reform movement.

Those searching who have not registered with International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR) should do so no matter how little information they might have. For more information please see their website at www.isrr.net. No other registry is affiliated with them. If you complete one of ISRR's registration forms that someone else has distributed, any donation should go directly to ISRR.

IN MEMORY OF MY BIRTH MOTHER

The search for my birth family took over 20 years and it was unfortunate that my birth mother died from breast cancer during that time. I would have loved to have gotten to know her. I do cherish hearing memories shared by my siblings and other family members.

So far I've been fortunate but a benign lumpectomy was quite scary and that was even before I knew my birth mother was deceased. I can't help but feel that taking Raloxifine for five years has been beneficial. I can not stress enough the importance of mammograms. Women at high risk should talk to their physician about prevention.

Susan G. Komen For The Cure is a great organization for learning more about breast cancer and how you might be of help in raising awareness.

A 69 YEAR OLD NEEDS DADDY'S PERMISSION

There have to be alot of emotions to deal with when at the age of 68 you learn that you were adopted as an infant. Did Rick's father "spill the beans" so that he might have closure from the long kept secret or did he forget that Rick did not know? It is hard to say when you consider his father is 100 years old.

Last January when Rick called me, I became determined to help him. He was not only a Chicago adoptee like myself but my heart went out to him to learn of his adoption at a late stage in his life. Anita Field and I are the co-founders of IL Open plus we are good friends. So we have been putting our heads together in order to try to help Rick.

Rick's petition to open his adoption records was denied. I was so angry when I learned of this because I felt that good cause was shown. I'll always suspect that Judge Patrick McGann (Cook Co.) did not even bother to read Rick's petition. Instead he probably instructed office personnel to get out one of the popular denial forms for him to sign. Otherwise I do believe the Judge would have ruled in favor of Rick having copies of his adoption documents.

Not long after receiving the denial Rick received a copy of his final decree of adoption with his birth name and that of his birth mother's whited out. Rick, his wife, Anita and I all four tried to determine the length of names that had been whited out. It was pretty much anyone's guess. Then while Anita was reviewing the IL adoption laws she discovered a provision where Rick's father could request the final decree of adoption since he was a petitioner. We wondered if white out would be used or not. But to pay a $9 fee to Cook County was definitely worth a try in case names would not be whited out. The letter did have to be notorized and a copy of Rick's father's ID enclosed. Thank the Lord he was able to sign the letter! It was not long at all when the decree arrived with no names whited out. Now Rick knows his name at birth and that of his birth mother's!

But isn't there something wrong with this picture? Rick is 69 years old and a veteran but yet he needed his daddy's permission to know his birth name and that of his birth mother's.

When will IL adoption laws provide for adopted adults to be treated like grown ups instead of little children? We must continue to fight for changes in the laws. Please don't leave it up to your neighbor to do. Everyone is needed and no matter how busy anyone is they can take time to contact legislators. On IL Open's website there are links leading to contact informaton for legislators. Here too is information about how to obtain your final decree of adoption if you are fortunate enough to have an adoptive parent still living. Don't delay with doing this because IL legislators are known for making changes to help prevent adopted adults from learning any identifying information about their birth mother.

EVERYONE IS NEEDED!

I've been around the Internet adoption community for years. I've always found it unfortunate that many who have been reunited will never be heard from again. Perhaps some think there is no need to stick around. But there is because the adoption reform movement could be a long ways from being completed.

Some do very little searching themselves and I find that unfortunate since it can help prepare for the reunion. Perhaps this group feel that they can not be of help to others searching. Perhaps they are not interested in if anyone else finds birth family. I've known adoptees who get what they want and could care less about others.

Reunions are an emotional roller coaster ride. Probably not just for the adoptee but for all involved. I do know first-hand what an overwhelming feeling it is to be reunited with birth family members. There are of course other feelings to deal with. When birth parents are found deceased as mine were, there are questions that are left unanswered. Although I've had family members share what they know they have not been able to answer all my questions.

For many years now I've been an advocate for open records and I sincerely hope that no medical problem will ever prevent me from continuing. Although I'm not nearly as involved with helping others search as I once was my work on earth is not completed as far as the adoption reform movement goes. It does not matter that I have my original birth certificate (OBC) and I've been reunited. I want all adoptees to have their OBC. I want those who want to be reunited with birth family. I'm not alone because there are many others fighting for the cause and some are like me in having their OBC and been reunited.

Some who have been reunited will suddenly disappear. So it is important to remind those searching to stick around. They might need a break to deal with so many emotions, perhaps to travel to meet birth family and time to get to know those they have been separated from. But it is important to get the message out that everyone is needed to fight for all adopted adults to have access to their OBC. Please do your part!